An 89 photo MEGA-post featuring fly-on-the-wall coverage from beginning to end (except when I was skating) of the Toy Machine demo in St. Paul, Minnesota (why did they bill it as Minneapolis?) as the finale of the Zumiez Couch Tour 2010. Kevin is having computer problems, so you will have to wait until his computer is fixed to see his mega-post.
Look how small this plane was. Deanna
would be having none of this.
Leaving the LBC, that little white dot (can you see that?) used to house the Spruce Goose
, and right next to that is the Queen Mary
, and that boat to the right of that (you can only see the wake
) is probably taking a bunch of people to Catalina Island
So we have a connection in Phoenix, AZ, and we are cruising through the airport to our next gate and this kid passes us and nearly has a heart attack. He says, "I'm Hemlock Drew, I comment
all the time on the website
!" He then opened his backpack and pulled out his Toy hoody
to prove he was repping Toy.
Damn. Just like that all these frequent commenters are getting up on the site. D. Briggs, Mike, now Hemlock Drew. The tentacles are long reaching. Nice to meet you Hemlock Drew.
At the airport I tried to rent a van, and was told I was on the "No Rent List." No doubt something Billy Marks
had done in the past
that I am now suffering for. And we couldn't find a 12 seater van, so we had to rent a Suburban, but when we got the keys, they slipped us a Tacoma. 9 dudes in a car that seats 5. Fast forward to eating shitty food at a Perkins. Johnny scored himself some banana cream pie, much to the delight of Leo, who had requested that J-Lay
eat a pie, and even ordered one for him.
Figure: A. J-Lay eats said cream pie. Billy wishes he bought 2 new iPhones instead of just one so his infant child Catch can have one too and they could video chat - stroller to tour van.
"Can I have some regular steamed broccoli?" – Ed Templeton
"No. It comes pre-made in a bag with butter already in it." – Perkin's waitres
existing as usual.
Before we demonstrate our skateboard skills
we must hydrate and eat a good breakfast.
This is the Zumiez VIP tent. (later partially damaged by J-Lay and yours truly in a vulgar display of rock-stardom.) A very nice place with snacks and fans, cool water, and free hats and sunglasses.
Matt B was going incognito, disguised as a kid who might be coming to this event to "see the band."
couldn't make it due to his injured hip. We missed him.
Leo Romero and the high art of hat making. Try finding these at your local haberdasher
. I become the top to Dan-Lu's bottom.
A sample of the bevy of edibles that await a professional skateboarder in the VIP tent at a Zumiez demo
See photos of the demo
courtesy of Kyle Burt on the events page, dog.
New Toy rider Collin Provost (aka The Colonial Footsoldier), who has thrashed his knee while getting Gnar-Boots for Stay Gold
, invested his time off the board interfacing with young women in hopes of some sort of twilight coitus soiree.
The barbarians at the gate. All trying to no avail to get behind the stupid fence and for what?
This girl looks like she tripped and fell face first into her dad's tackle box. She has also been marked on the neck by an overzealous face sucker. Perhaps another girl. For such an outward "look at me" move, that would make a lot of sense actually. Regardless, Trapasso's
on the lurk.
I think Daniel Lutheran, with all his New Mexican charm lured these fledgling strumpets to his "backstage."
The demo was over, look for that on YouTube
now... (or the Skateboarding.com website...
) Kyle Burt's photos of the demo can be seen on the EVENTS page.
Now it was the signing, an event that always takes much longer than the demo for some reason. I'm still - after doing this for more than 20 years - shocked that a kid would wait in a two hour line for anybody's autograph, much less some pro skater. And I would say about half don't even know who's autograph they are getting.
Some of the more interesting quarry from the autograph line...
Toy pride for days.
Re-fashioned Toy hat for one excited customer.
"Yes, I'll sign your ironic oversized Wu-Tang belt buckle."
It's like you can look right through them.
Dan-Lu, Nick, and Collin started signing their phone numbers along with their signatures in hopes of captivating some fawn.
Then this lady with the gigantic face came through and the numbers were flying onto the posters. Her clever ruse worked, and the tables were turned on these amatuers.
Our hordes are growing! The Loyal Pawn army will soon rise up and overtake all of this mediocre pablum around us.
Ewok doing a tre-flip while holding a scepter.
I bet all of these people buy Toy Machine products and know who every person on the team is.
Toy Commandment #2: The Loyal Pawns shall make graven images of the Transistor Sect to worship daily.
Yep, those are there forever. You can't really see the Monster energy drink logo tattooed on his arm.
Hey Hot Topic, what you got cooking?
A Loyal Pawn for many years.
"Why am I waiting in this 2-hour line again?"
Finally, Chipotle makes skateboards. There goes another 2 dollars from Matt Bennett's pro career.
Toy for life, fool. That shit is essential.
"When red-haired people are above a certain social grade their hair is auburn." –Mark Twain
I can't tell if that is underwear or just a giant dark un-navigable cavern between jeans and belly?
There was a bull riding situation, but none of us had time to handle it.
What's an Eskimo kiss between bros? G-Code.
Somehow we found a minute to take a dip in the polluted pool. No matter how rambunctious we got, no one seemed to care. Like they dared us to do something worth getting kicked out for.
Then the convoluted dance of flirtation, or rather leering and lewd comments began. And I was there to witness this first-hand and bring back photo documentation of it's occurrence.
These nice girls didn't know any of us, and they just walked into a hotel room full of strange men while drunk. Even though we are harmless, that seems like a risky habit...
Whoa! Billy Marks
is actually wearing a Toy Machine shirt! I had to get some coverage of that.
Fancy dinner was on Zumiez (Thanks Zumies!) This was Matt B's steak.
Like an apparition in the night, the Romero emerges triumphant like a phoenix from the flames.
Dan-Lu and Leo, get amongst it.
, not looking suspicious.
A defacement of J-Lay's bed with a marker and some snack-mix.
Johnny pillow-fought the snacks off his bed.
Daniel was quite pickled.
Johnny re-arranging his bed proved to be of significant amusement for all of us.
Then Johnny picked up Kevin and threw him onto the box spring like he was a plush toy. Kevin's shirt did not fare well in the incident.
Nick was karate-kicking the roof panels.
The hotel hallway which smelled like a dead skunk, complete with shattered roof tiles and loud music, and not one person came to put a stop to it.
, can you hold my purse?"
Simultaneously downstairs in the hotel bar, there was a raging party of middle-aged Asian people, and Matt B, Austin and Leo were already up in there tearing up the dance floor.
This day was somehow becoming more surreal.
"All the ills of mankind, all the tragic misfortunes that fill the history books, all the political blunders, all the failures of the great leaders have arisen merely from a lack of skill at dancing." –Moliere
Leo grabbed my camera and started dancing with this lady whose skirt had risen up way past her panty-line, and could give a fuck.
There was some serious dirty dancing going down, but mostly from the older women. I saw at least 3 grandmothers go down. And at least one simulated doggy-style fucking go down. Also a lot of girl on girl lap dance type moves and chair grinding.
This guy was amped on us, I think? He bought us all beers.
Austin's ankle after the demo. Collin was already jacked, J-Lay got a little jacked, and Austin got taken out. Damn those hurricane grinds.
The next day finally arrived, and here we are in the airport.
What? this is how I relax, bro.
"Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known." –Carl Sagan
Do the fucking tray tables really need an advertisment?
The beauty of America is breathtaking.
"All of us have a place in history. Mine is clouds." –Richard Brautigan
Are we there yet?
Another stop in Phoenix.
"Are you talking to the lady up front? Tell her whats up for me." –Daniel Lutheran
Daniel hits on some kids mom in the autograph line in Minneapolis. She says, "I'm too old for you." And he retorts, "You're prime-time baby!" giving the middle-aged woman a big smile. He has that effect on people.
Your future looks bright. Keep your head.
See you bros later. There's a new L. Kincade to watch
, or not.
Back in Long Beach after 46 hours away. Matt B was taking the bus home for 99¢.
ED TEMPLETON IN CONVERSATION WITH GREG ESCALANTE, CRAIG STECYK, & ANNIE ADJCHAVANICH
Event date: Thursday, August 12, 2010
Location: OCMA pavilion, possibly courtyard
Time: 6-8 pm (6 pm Galleries open, mingling, food; 7 pm panel followed by Q&A and film clip)
My current shows:
In New York City: At the ICP. (Perspectives)
In Orange County: At the Orange County Museum of Art
(New Art for a New Century: Contemporary Acquisitions)
Deanna's current shows:
In Heerlen, Netherlands: At the Schunck*
Cemetery of Reason at the MAN - Museo d'Arte Provincia di Nuoro, Sardinia, Italy.
Deanna's in the new Juxtapoz - !!!
Upcoming Zine show in Torrance...
You can get most of my books directly through Roberts and Tilton
And Arcana Books on the Arts
This Long Century
Order The Seconds Pass book
Buy the Drinking the Kool-Aid book - almost sold out!
Drinking the Kool Aid Review at Photo-Eye Blog
Dennis McGrath's Blog
Tiny Vices Portfolio
Ed and Deanna's Food Blog
Toy Machine Sock-Team
Kevin Barnett's Photo Portfolio
Grant Hatfield's Blog
Posted July 5th, 2010 by The mothership operator and your overlord.